Shopping with plastic cash and an internet connection is not all it’s cracked up to be. Problems do arise. I mean no disrespect, but what the hell did this Chinese company send me? See the picture? I have no idea what it is (the instructions are in an unknown language). It is NOT the USB connector I ordered. In fact I’m afraid to know what it really is – a long narrow slinky thing with two pink stubbies at either end. Ah, maybe that’s what it is – a new and innovative Chinese version of slinky.
On-line shopping is wonderful especially if you are an agoraphobic nut case like myself. I hate crowds and I’d rather not deal with overly hormoned, caffeinated and device driven teens trying to run me down in the mall. Nor do I like the constant barrage of buy, buy, buy in loud colours and scents. Yes, on-line shopping – you always get what you want, there’s never a line up and your “in-house” shopping mall smells like last night’s cheese pizza (oooh too much lactose).
Now I’ve ordered tons of stuff via ip addresses from skis to cell phone pouches to extra memory for my laptop. I’ve ordered neat stuff for my Dad and had it delivered while he was golfing in sunny Arizona. On this occasion, I sent him some golf balls, tees and a putting green that wraps around his toilet, so the next time he’s doing his business, his putter is only inches away.
However, my purchases are mild compared to some of the stuff people have ordered on-line, for example a hamster from India. Now, how the hell is that going to work? Is there a guarantee? Proof of life? And what do you do before you send? Stuff the poor creature in a box with a three month supply of pellets and the entire Lord of the Rings franchise? How about ordering some belly button lint? Yes please. Six pounds and can you send it anonymously to my boss? Or perhaps the perfect stocking stuffer of 1500 live lady bugs or twenty-five tons of chicken feet? Yes, such practical gifts for house and home.
And a note of advice, do not drink and order on-line. You don’t want to wake up one morning surrounded by the FBI, NSA or KFC because after watching “Homeland,” you wanted to know if you actually could buy some plutonium from Iran. Ouch!
It’s not like I’m going to stop ordering on-line, just because I received a mystery gift. The biggest bonus is the hours of fun I’m going to have trying to figure out what this long bendy thing with two pink knobs actually does. “Here, kitty, kitty.”