My beautiful Malibu home (right next to Arnold) is secure. I now have a VPN (virtual pirate network) up to keep evil predators at pirate bay. Nice. But I have to remember that the network provides privacy not anonymity. It is impossible not to leave a digital footprint anywhere on the Internet (my goodness don’t you watch “Person of Interest” – Harold can get anyone!!!) and if evilness wants to find you and hack you, they will. But a VPN helps.
The analogy I read this week about a VPN was very appropriate. It goes like this… You have a house (over looking a beautiful virtual non-polluted ocean – plastic palms, a sun that never burns you). A VPN only provides curtains so people can’t look in your house, and see what you’re doing inside (bring out the bong boys!). However, since you have a street address, people still know you live somewhere. A VPN gives you privacy, so you can walk around the house in the buff or exchange banking information with more security. It maintains privacy, but people still know you have a house somewhere in Malibu or London or Toronto.
No one is one hundred per cent secure with any VPN. If someone wants to break into your house they will and can. Don’t fall for a false sense of security. But in today’s internet you need to setup an extra network for security because the days of your local internet provider assisting you are over. They provide the cupcakes for anyone who wants to look in your windows.
It was fun setting up the network. It only took me two days and a couple of hundred bucks for equipment (half bottle of scotch and a neck massage). But man I can feel the privacy. The curtains (thick red velvet drapes from The Game of Thrones) are closed. Now I’m going to put on my favourite pirate costume, with a wooden leg, parrot on my shoulder and shiny metal hook and dance around the house. I just downloaded the first season of “The Ropers” from Pirate Bay (it should be free).
And that’s another reason for hiding behind curtains. No one will know how my favourite TV shows appear on my hard drive. I don’t even know. All I know is they magically appear on my hard drive (Ummm, really?). I watch them a week after the broadcast date because they don’t have commercials. I hate TV advertising. It makes me want to take pills, many pills and dress like a pirate. It’s the same useless products over and over, asking me to buy crap that I don’t need or making me drool over a bacon double cheese burger I see flashed a hundred times a day. No wonder we have an obesity epidemic.
Yep and once again kudos to my friend and yours Edward “the privacy man” Snowden. Not that he supports my magically appearing TV shows, but he made us all aware that we had better make sure the curtains are drawn because you never know what creepy bastard is looking in your windows, just waiting to make your Christmas presents magically disappear.